The Mixed Grill - A Guide to Tasty Self Mutilation

Selling out... but for a good site.

2010-04-21T17:14:00.000-07:00

Well just a quick blog to enter a competition... all i have to do is say...

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Tasty Treats Pt2: Birds Nest Beverage and Mochi

2010-03-20T22:22:00.000-07:00

Well i had a big night last night and need to recover, so whats better than a nice Health drink made from Birds Nest (aka Bird Saliva...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bird's_nest_soup ) and White Fungus....

Last episode i told you that i would ramp it up next time... this is right there in the deep end, but hey i'm hopeful that it might surprise me if not cure my hangover.

The drink pours like a jar of saliva would... syrupy slightly yellow and with floaty bits. The smell was along similar lines, little bit mushroomy but the taste is what really threw me. Whereas i thought it would be savory and salty and mushroomy it was closer to a light sugar syrupy taste, very reminiscent of the gelatin coating that is used on Fruit Tarts, really quite unpleasant but not totally disgusting. But as i sit here having only taken a few small sips i realize that to really review it i need to really take in the health benefits, i need to skull the rest...

*skulls it down in one go*

Hmmm what can i say at a time like this but.... yuck. It really feels heavy in my stomach like it is already purchasing its return ticket. The mix of the sweetness and gelatinous texture did not slide down well as the squiggly fungus matter in the bottom finished it off. This was like drinking Saliva, like a sloppy wet kiss. Only instead of it coming from the wonderful Zooey it was straight from a bird called the Swift.

As for my health, right now i am not feeling healthier... in fact my health has lost a few points... but we'll have to see what the future holds as most things that taste bad are actually good... hopefully.

The other item was a little easier to digest but no less odd.... Mochi (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mochi )

These little glutinous rice balls seemed like a nice dessert, they did however let me down a little.

The sweetness was nice, it was not overpowering and quite mellow, it was once again the texture that really made this a challenge. They were soft, kinda like a mix between a marshmallow and well... play dough. I decided to try two varieties, green tea and sesame.

The sesame was not too bad, the marshmallow texture was a little odd but the contrast from the surrounding seeds worked in its favor and the center of black sesame was quite appetizing... the other odd thing was the fact that the sesame seemed to have a soy taste so the contrast between the salty and sweet came into play.

The green tea one was the opposite. Play doughy and sticky it was hard to swallow. Leaving an unsettling feeling in my stomach. the centre was this weird goo that tasted overly sweet. Like eating raw scone dough.

I can see how some of these would be a nice treat, but really you have to pick the right ones. It was an interesting experience.

Twilight Review... Two Years in the making.

2010-03-03T03:51:00.000-08:00

Ok, those of you who know me personally will know my absolute Hatred towards the Twilight series... this hatred was purely by what i had heard about the film and really had no basis... this i will admit now. However i have just watched the film before writing this blog... i know it has taken a while but this was really hard for me to do knowing how much dislike i would have... even harder was the challenge i gave myself to be unbiased....

Lets just say after watching the film my respect for it has grown... unfortunately the naked eye could not pick the difference in level and so i can safely say that i dislike this film just as much as i did before, and heres why....

Twilight follows your typical Romanticism Storyline, Two lovers, separated from the world around them unable to fit into society must make the ultimate sacrifice to be eternal with each other... the same storyline can be found in Wagner's Tristan and Isolde and even David Bowie's Heroes... its a tried and true plot and most of the time it works.... unless you happen to pile on top of that bad acting, awful dialogue, unrealistic settings and a shitload of teen Angst... this is where we find Twilight.

Romanticism practically invented the Vampire, Dracula was your typical charachter of that era, alone against the world, misunderstood and mistreated, forced to live in solitude and become the monster within and so it would only be fitting to do a film of this sort....in theory.

Lets start with the script because i feel this was the worst part of the film, you know when someone tries to write poetry for the first time, they will think up long descriptive words, massive flowing sentances about nothing at all, trying to sound emotive but really just sounding like a thesaurus? This was the script to twilight, there weren't long drawn out sentances and overy descriptive words but it was like they were trying too hard to describe their feelings that they forgot to emote them. Everyone has heard the key lines..."your'e like a drug to me" "i'd Die for you" hearing these just leave you sick to the stomach. Nobody talks like this, not in history and probably not in the future...especially a 17 year old. Its like they had taken the dialogue from a soap opera, or something from the Romance section of Borders. The film is the script and it is on this level that the film fails no matter what images it puts over it... but even these were a let down. And don't even get me started on how this raped the vampire mythology!

First of all the make up.... would have worked on stage, but in a film we are meant to buy it as being real, putting a shitload of white stuff on your face a vampire it does make you not. It almost made them look like mimes and totally distracted from the film. The fact that Bella too looked just as pale confused the imagary even more, if anything she should have been more colourful to show the difference between them, hence the conflict.

Secondly the camera work and effects were well below par, it looked like it had been shot for TV, hand held shots randomly placed to express something that wasn't there, a camera should be strategically placed with reason, making it handheld randomly does nothing but confuse. And the Effects... now this was where i thought i would have something to like in this film, oh i was wrong... i will admit the car scene where Edward jumps in looked pretty cool... but the rest, the fast running etc. Looked like something i could do in After effects.

Finally the Acting, which goes along with the angst... There was only one actor i liked in this film and he wasn't even a lead role. It was Billy Burke who played Bella's Father. The scene where she has to lie to him to stop danger from coming onto him actually made me feel bad for him, as he turns to her and tells her he can change was heart wrenching and for that one minute scene i actually felt something... then the movie carried on and i was back to nothing. The worst acting award definatley goes to Edward himself... i know he didnt have much of a script to go with but really he could have shown some emotion...any emotion... waving your head does not express suffering! oh... and there was lots of unwarrented Angst... enough said about that.

In the end though i Digress.... this was not the worst film ever made.... the soundtrack was pretty cool and i can see how this would appeal to 16 yr old girls who don't give a rats arse about story and just want to see angsty expressions...however to the older people who love the series although i can't make judgement about your taste i ask you one question.... "Why???"

I could go read the book to really get a grasp of this series but really it would do nothing to make me hate this any less. This a film i am glad i finally watched because now i can put it behind me and forget all about it... i have seen worse but bad is bad... and this is just that.

Tasty Treats Pt1: Dragon Beard Candy

2010-02-28T02:59:00.000-08:00

Just a bit of an intro here, i have decided to make a note of all the new things i am attempting to try this year, basically anything i find on my travels overseas or to Asian Grocery stores....

I found these at the local Asia Mart and had to try them, they looked like almonds wrapped in insulation, the type of stuff you'd find in a roof. What it is however is (according to one website) Over 8000 strands of sugar woven by masters of confectionery....

The truth is that beyond looking suss, it actually is really just Chinese Cotton Candy, filled with sesame seeds and almond, really tasty. The texture is odd, you try to pull it out of its little patty cake tin and bits of sugar cotton break off floating onto and around you... my clothes are still dusted in some.

Overall this is not really that strange, but it is different and rewarding. The Candy coating is sweet but not over the top like the American counterpart and the centre is crunchy and sweet and nutty and really bring a nice palate to the snack. I now have an Empty Dragons beard box... lets hope the rest of my Tasty Treats are the same....

If it looks good... Eat it!

2010-02-09T19:15:00.000-08:00

Well... its been a while since i posted here, and really i have no excuse so lets just both move past that and back into Blogland!

A while back i posted a blog about an upcoming trip to South America, unfortunatly due to a few circumstance changes i am now not taking that journey just yet. Instead i am going solo, to wonderful South East Asia! My plan is to do it in tours, this makes for easier solo travlling as i wont really be solo and will help me find some cool places to see. I will have time on my own in Hanoi and Bangkok but travelling between the two will be under the guidence of a guide... and my main motivation for this trip.... the food!

The way i see it, Taste is the only sense we have left that is still unexplored, not so much as a species but as individual. It is highly varied across different countries and the variations are extreeme to say the least... while we may see beautiful sights we can relate them back to something at home, touch is already mostly covered in day to day life.... and as for smell... well it usually comes alongside with taste. But Taste... how can you possibly describe to someone the taste of snail unless they try it themselves... the texture of grasshopper...sure its crunchy... but there is so much more to it... Food is culture, it is history and it is unique.

I have really gotten addicted to a show called "Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern" and i reccomend people watch it, basically its an american chef who travels round the world eating unique things, like the beating heart of a snake or worms fresh out of a branch... i know some people have cringed at this but what you need to understand is why these dishes have come about and open yourselves to looking past what you know of them and try them...

Most people do not take advantage of this to its full potential, the culture we have dictates against it. Things that are perfectly normal overseas are seen to us as being disgusting for no other reason than society has taught us to see them as such. We would not think twice about eating a bulls testical but in some countries it is seen as nothing more than a good source of protein. If we as westeners get over what we beleive to be wrong then we can expend ourselves so much more into the cultures around us.
When i travel i will set myself a mantra... unless it will kill/make you sick...TRY IT. If someone offers me sheep penis and rice i will try it, if someone offers me desiesed meat i wont... simple. Whether or not it will taste good is just part of the joy... if its bad at least i will know it is bad rather than leaving myself wondering.

South East asia is known for its markets and street food... these will be my main areas to be in, i am worried about getting Gastro and food poisoning but upon reading a whole lot of articles some saying that i should avoid almnost everything.... some saying that they read that same article but said fuck it.... i am going somewhere in the middle ground..
When i am on the tour and the guide offers me something... anything is fair go.... alone i will only eat things that are cooked in front of me and popular with others... if i get sick so be it... but i am playing it safe.
Some things i cant wait to try:
-Scorpion
- Coffee that has passed through the digestive system of a Monkey
- Snake

Travel is all about adventure, it is about leaving your comfort zone, it has purpose in cultures and it will be interesting to see how and why these foods came about. And i will blog accordingly about them...

Of cource while i am over there i will enjoy the scenery and the history, i will drink and party it up... but the markets, the food will be my focus... i will not eat pad thai or anything i'd normally have at a thai resteraunt... i am going to eat whatever the locals eat... and it is going to be awesome!

Dessert - Top 5 of 2009

2009-12-14T19:18:00.000-08:00

So 2009 is on it's way out... another 365 days of Experiences, Memories, Failures have entered the zeitgeist making way for what will come in 2010.... and so i bring you the year that was in the form of 5 Top 5 Lists:

1. Top 5 Movies I Saw
5. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince - This series can do no wrong for me, some people felt that this did not feel complete as a film, but thats fine with me because this film did what it was meant to do, got me excited for the final 2 movies!
4. Where the Wild things are - This did something that i did not expect it to, it scared me. Thats right the big headed fluffy monsters actually frightened me... not in the sence that they looked scary but in the amount of drama and emotion that they had was astounding. James Gandolfini was intence!
3 500 Days of Summer - I was a really big fan of the soundrtack to this film before i actually saw the film itself, i am pretty certain that no film can be bad if zooey deschanel is in it, The happening was not a bad movie, sure everything about it was bad except for some cool death scenes but the fact that zooey was in it for at least 40% of the film made it good. end of discussion. This film not only had zooey but was also well written and performed. Made me feel all sad :(
2. Up - Pixar can do no wrong, they know how to make you fall in love with animated charachters, something that seems to be lacking with other studios these days. In the sad scenes of this film i wont deny that i did shed a tear, not as much as some of the people who saw it with me mind you... this is a great film and more adult that most pixar films, which i think is a good direction to take.
1. Star Trek - This made my number one for two reasons....1. I am a closet Trekkie, my dad's a trekkie and so i grew up watching all the incarnations, 2. this movie was the bomb. Enough said, even if you are not a trekkie go check this out it is designed to be for everyone. I saw it 3 times, once on imax... this is my movie of 2009.

2. Top 5 Albums i Bought/Aquired:

5. Where the Wilds things are OST - Great loveable songs from Karen O from the Yeah Yeah Yeah's, cartchy tunes with a hint of that heavy punk sounds that we are used to from Karen O. "All is love" gives me goosebumps.
4. Them Crooked Vultures - Them Crooked Vultures - I am usually in two moods about supergroups... on one hand i am excited, this is considering that the line up is to my liking (in the case of Josh Homme, Dave Grohl and John Paul Jones i was VERY Excited) but on the other hand i am cautious as supergroups seem to have a flaw in the fact that such heavyweights tend to try and outdo each other, and thus the bands usually sound like a mess. This band however did nothing of the sort. These guys deliver raw powerful songs and deliver them with style. Leaning towards the Queens of the Stone age meets Kashmir style Zepplin this album made me want to just mosh all day. Awesome!
3. Little Lion - Mumford and Son - Amazing tracks on this album, racing banjo sounds and that distincive vocal sound from Marcus Johnstone this is quite possible my favorite folk album of 2009... strongly contended by
2. The First Days of Spring - Noah and the Whale - After their previous release caught my attention i was really excited about the idea of them making an album with the inclusion of an orchestra and i wasn;t dissapointed. NATW have a wonderful ability to add an intense emotional feel to their music and this does more than that. Great album about what comes after a break up.
1. Head of the Hawk - Bluejuice - Bluejuice's first album didn't do much for me, it was a bit heavy on the hip hop sounds for my liking, the release this year however was nothing of the sort, a great party album with catchy tunes that you can sing/jump along to. The reason this album is in number one is for one reason, of all the list it is the album that affected me the most when i listened to it, it made me get up off my seat and dance, it may not be the pinnacle of technical music brilliance, it may not have poetic lyrics that inspire but it made me happy, it made me feel good... and isnt that what music should do?

3. Top 5 Podcasts i subscribed to:

Before i go on i should say that podcasts to me are an escape, i listen to them mostly on train rides and i mostly listen to ones that involve a lot of inane chatter, this useless discussion seems to do wonders for travel time as if i were in a pointless pub chat with mates... if you choose to listen to any of these i suggest you do the same, they are no fun playing to others as i have tried as it will bore them quickly... podcasts are a personal thing.

5. Five Taco's and a Taco - Two guys from the states who compile a top five list each episode on some topic... previous topics have included "Top Five animals you could take in a fight" "Top 5 toilet ettiquite rules" and my favorite "Top five Cat movie titles" one of which was "Brokeback Meownton", a lot of inane chatter but you grow to like these guys and their quirks and their Choose your own adventure readings are top notch!
4. Coverville - This is a great music podcast, its basically as you have probably guessed from the title a cover song podcast, weekly the hose Biran Ibbott picks an artist/topic and presents a list of cover songs appropriatly. This is a great way to discover new music and hear versions of your fav songs in a different light. The choices are sometimes hit and miss but when you do hear one you like its really great.
3. Culture Club - This is a segment on Triple J that has been podcasted, its a really absurd look at music and where certain elements derive from.. these short episodes will teach you how ACDC is in a lot of ways closely related to nitche and how Richard Wagner was the original Emo... great well produced segments that give you a different perspective on what we hear.
2. Hamish and Andy - The great thing about podcasts is the ability to listen to the good bits of a radio show and cut out the bad music... this is the case with Hamish and Andy, they are really funny guys and know how to entertain, they may be playing an old formula, they may have sold out to commercialism, but they are funny, they entertain and they are free to listen to without the crap music.
1. You look nice today: a Journal of emotional hygene - This is quite possible the funnies load of dribble i have ever heard, its like sitting in a uni bar with 3 really odd nerds and talking crap. These guys make up some of the strangest garbage including ideas for a new education program for kids which involves someone coming into the school, drinking and then yelling at the kids for an hour... classic!

4. Top 5 Concerts/Performances

5. Sound Relief - Sydney Football Stadium - This was more of a festival than a concert and so i am going to focus on one performance and that was Coldplay... this was the first full act of the day that i had been there for and it was amazing, from the giant yellow balloons that came down upon the audience to the spectacular run that Chris Martin made from the front of the stage through the crowd... this was to be remembered... oh and the duet with john Farnham was good too...
4. The White Album Concert - Sydney Opera House - This was a risky one, a recreation of the entire Beatles White Album, song for song or at least it would have been risky had it not been for some of Australias most taleted performers actually playing the tracks, Chris Cheney, Josh Pyke, Phil Jamison and Tim Rogers belted out the tunes in real style, adding a bit of themselves to the tracks. This was really spectacular and had me singing along and really getting into it. Chris Cheney owned the guitar parts, Tim Rogers delighted with bhis stage antics, Phil Jamison Surprised with his vocal abilities and Josh Pyke Rounded it off... Great stuff.
3. Dream Theatre/Pain of Salvation - Hordern Pavillion - The real sign of how great this concert was was displayed through my lack of hearing upon coming out. For me this was a new experience, not the deafness but the support act Pain of Salvation, they really knocked me down with their relentless power and talent and then Dreamtheatre came out and finished me off. Dream Theatre is the supergroup that never was... each member is top of their game and it shows. Even if you are not a fan of Metal go see them, they will amaze.
2. Ben Folds Request Show - Sydney Opera House - This was a last minute buy for me, i had previously seen his live show a few days before and suddenly went along to see his request show. At the beggining we were all asked to write down our requests... these went on stage into a way to small fishbowl, requests spilling onto the floor. This was going to be a strange night. Ben folds did his best to make sure as many requests were played as possible, even to the point of making up songs to the requests that weren't quite right. This was Ben at his best, unrehearsed, inscripted, pure talent.
1. Greenday - Acer Arena - I know i am going to get critisized for this, i know m,usic snobs out there with look down upon me and sigh... but i know even more so that i dont care. I grew up with green day, songs like Longview and Welcome to Paradise were my bread and butter in the punk scene and to hear these songs live was something i couldn't turn down for anything. But i expected to enjoy the music from the start,.... what i didnt expect was the show that they put on along side it. These guys know the formula to a great arena concert... make it big! Pyrotechnics, Amazing sets and most of all Audience participation, Billy joe Armstrong is a talented crowd pleaser, from the opening song he had the entire stadium standing up and singing along, he could gut us to do anything, clap, jump, scream and it felt awesome. He got audience members up on stage and got them to sing, the gave people the ability to stage dive and he made sure most of all that the crowd were just as much a part of the performance as the band itself. Say what you will about the music, Greenday know how to put on a show, they know how to rock and they know how to make sure you come out feeling like you have experienced something that you never will again... until they next perform that is.

5. Top 5 Fads of 2009

5. Lychees - Canned to be precise, for a while this year i had an obsession, it became ingrained in my schedule, a can a night, cold just out of the fridge.... this was soon stopped when i started number 4
4. Milkshake Diet - I am now on a diet replacement shake program... i drink a milkshake for lunch and Dinner, going ok so far, struggling on Weekends and with some flavours... i.e Bananna and Lemon and Lime... just drank the former and feel like i am going to throw up.
3. Emergency Deoderant - I seem to have a large collection of deoderant scattered around my life, two cans at work, two at home, one in my bag...etc. This is because i keep forgetting to have them when i need them. I'll be on the train into the city.... long day at work and i forgot to refresh.... convenience store emergency buy.... this repeats without a can getting empty.
2. Blogs - i have two... if you have not seem my other one its at dinnermusic375.blogspot.com
1. Tea - I have now taken up membership in the tea culture, very thursday i am to be having High Tea with certain distinguished friends... thats right... i'm classy 'n' shit...

So thats the year thats been... i am glad you have taken this ride with me... and will look forward to writing more in the new year.....!

Chapter 7 : Sienta que yo es extranjero

2009-11-23T18:24:00.000-08:00

I have recently decided to Travel. This is something new to me, the last time out of the country for me being when i was about 5 or 6 years old to a resort somewhere in Fiji... it is safe thus for me to say that i have never been overseas.

The Destination....South America.

Back to the homeland for me, being half Chilean myself this is a good chance to meet some of the family i have never met and really get a feel for my heritage as well as finally getting to experience a feeling of pure Culture Shock... the only problem is that i am not leaving till midway next year.

That's 7 months from now!!!

I am the type of person who gets really excited about things, overenthusiatic some might say and nothing gets me more excited than the idea of travel. And so since making this decision to travel some 2 weeks ago i have immerced myself in South America, Travel Blogs have been the main culprit, reading through peoples journeys, where they went, what illnesses they got, how many other travellers they ran into. These small excerpts of their lives, written to friends and families gave me a rush... that could be me, i could be writing about trekking to machu pichu... sampling a giant seafood platter equal in price to a maccas burger back home... meeting some locals or even some backpackers... making new friends from around the world....

Still 7 Months from now...!

I went and bought the Lonely planet guide, this book has travelled with me everywhere! When something is rendering at work and i cant use the computer i read the book... where's good to stay in Argentina? How much is a meal in Santiago? What vaccinations do i need to get? The amount of cool stuff to see and do and the cheapness of it all! The cool traditionally furnished Hostels or the Fancy hotels? Bus or Train????

Yet... Still 7 Months from now......!

There is a lot of planning to do for a trip overseas... a lot of forms to fill and things to organise. But Half a year is too far ahead for that, my main focus should be in saving money, but the thing is that i need to think about the trip, i need something to motivate me to save, to keep working.... something to look foreward to, my biggest fear however is that in 7 months time will i have exhausted South America for myself?

7 months isn't that long is it?

Chapter 6: Peace by Piece: Life, Death and Chocolate cake...

2009-11-02T20:45:00.000-08:00

ok this is my attempt at a short story, I asked my friend Mat to give me a topic to base the story on and this is what he gave me...

Peace by Piece: Life, Death and Chocolate cake...

So here goes....

Walt peered through the frosted glass at the display behind. Cakes, Pastries, Desserts of every kind rotating slowly in front of him on thrones of Expensive Crystal. Decorated with artistic precision...
"Just Pick the One that stands out the most" said the waitress behind the counter, impatiently.
Walt looked back and the display slowly lifting his finger to the large cake in the middle, a monolith of sorts, layers of sponge and mousse, Caramel and Chocolate wrapped lovingly in a dark chocolate coating, a small card underneath written in script by hand...

"Mortal Sin"

The Waitress shot him a strange look then smiled. Walt did his best to cover up the white hidden behind his otherwise black collar as he walked back over to his seat, groaning as he sat down, it was not easy at his age.

To anyone else this event would be nothing special, old man orders a cake in a cafe, But to Walt this was everything, this was more than just baked goods, this was a matter of faith, Walt had grown up into the stereotype that fell upon him as the son of a minister, he was taught Chastity, Patience and above all, Restraint and he carried this on ever since his father had passed on with such strictness that the mere thought of lashing out in any way or form was never even considered. All Walt Knew was Faith, and this to him was happiness.

That is until the morning of Wednesday the 1st of November

It is usual in these kind of stories to note that the day in question starts out like any other day... this is not one of those kinds of stories... Walt's day was different right from the beginning...

Walt prayed open his eyes, the harsh sunlight burning through the window giving him cold sweats, this however was not unusual, what was unusual was that this was not Walt’s bed. In fact he did not know exactly whose bed this was...

He tried to think back to the night before... everything seemed in order, a normal day... church and then tea and scones with the retirees at the clinic.... is that where he was now..? Was there a medical issue, maybe he collapsed and they put him in a bed, he was old and he knew it... that’s the kind of thing that happens to old people right?

Walt lifted himself up, something felt strange, the weight of the bed seemed to be shifted to one side. Walt looked across at the other side of the bed. A shape, made under the covers, the shape of a person, a woman... Walt slipped off the bed and onto the floor, a dull thud.

"Walter?" A woman’s head peered over the edge of the bed at Walt.

"Who are you?, I’m... not sure what happened..." he stammered as he lay, staring at the ceiling.

"I'm Joyce, you must have hit yourself hard with that fall."

Walt lifted himself back up and rested on the bed, his head hurt but not THAT much.
"I'm sorry, its just, i don't remember you, I don’t remember this... this is not like me."
Joyce placed her hand on Walt’s shoulder, softly. " If it helps, you were amazing.."

Walt looked back at Joyce. "I have to go...now..."

He got up and walked quickly out of the room, people had already started to wake up and were leaving their rooms for breakfast. Walt walked quickly, eyes foreword not acknowledging anyone even though they tried their best to acknowledge him.
Finally as Walt left the building he stopped and took a deep breath in. She must have been lying, it must have been a trick, Walt wouldn’t have succumbed to such carnal desires, he was stronger than that. It was a test.

Walt quickly made his way to church, he put on his robe and made his way to the office. He just needed to forget about what happened, forget about Joyce...

This lasted about 5 minutes.

There was something about this woman that made Walt weak in the knees, she was beautiful, not in the way a younger version of himself would have looked at a woman, there was just something about her, something in her eyes... Walt quickly tried to distract himself with some readings... Gods word... The Bible.
He opened the book and begun to flip through the pages.... but all he could see were words, just words, he couldn’t keep up enough concentration to see anything else... no meaning, no messages, just words.
He slammed the book closed on his desk. What was happening to him?

"God i pray to you now for help... I don’t know what to do, if this is a test then please show me the right path..." Walt knelt still, eyes closed, silent... waiting for something... anything....

Nothing.

"GOD... i have done everything for you.... I don’t know where i went wrong but please let me know what to do!"

Still Nothing.

Walt got up onto his knees and down the aisle slimming the church door behind him.
A walk, that would clear his mind, let him assess the situation...

"Lets for a minute suggest that i did....fornicate with that woman... surely i must have been drugged, slipped alcohol... but i don’t feel any different, i didn’t wake up feeling any worse than i do every other morning.... in fact i felt....better?" Walt thought to himself.

He stopped in his tracks... he suddenly remembered everything, he remembered seeing her for the first time, he remembered being alone with her, he remembered being WITH her... He remembered why he did what he did... it was what she had said to him...

"What is the point in existence if you don’t try and understand everything about it?"
Walt looked around him, he had stopped directly outside a cafe.

The cake arrived, the darkness of the chocolate contracting heavily against the pure white plate. Walt picked up a fork and began to slice into it, he could feel the pressure against his hands as the metal worked its way past the dense layers of the cake as the fork then lifted it to his mouth.

"Walt?"

Walt looked around mid bite, Joyce at the side of his table, smiling.

"May i join you?"

Walt smiled back at her and through chocolate stained teeth replied...

"Yesch"

Chapter 5: Feeding the Masses a big dollop of Controversy!

2009-10-28T20:05:00.000-07:00

Ok... just need to get a few things off my chest, you may not agree with me... but thats not the point, i just want us all to be on the same level here...

Wills Controversial Gripes:

1. I Dont think Michael Jackson is All That:
Ok... now i am not saying this now because he has passed and i want to be edgy or anything, i have always thought this, nor am i saying i dislike him. I do respect what he did for pop music and charities etc. I dont neccicarily think he is a bad person either, a wierd one yes but not bad.
I just dont enjoy listening to him... in fact i would go so far as to say i get bored with him...easily.

If there is one thing i can't stand it is Death Bandwagoners, you know, the people who suddenly becomes the biggest fans of an artist as soon as they die and become newsworthy. These people sicken me, and i have never seen such a large demonstration of it as i did on the Die MJ died. Suddenly people were talking about him as if he were some sort of saint... how he changed their lives. I bet you that if you were to ask them if they liked MJ a few weeks before, they would have said something along the lines of "yeah i guess" at best.
It goes along the same lines with people who are now coming out badmouthing him for similar reasons and i hate these people equally, but there seems to be more of the former.

I am saddened by the loss of Michael Jackson and my sympathys go to his friends and family and to the people who truely loved him... but i am not saddened by the death of his music... i am not going to like it any more than i did before.

2. The Church Pisses me off
I guess i am Christian... i beleive in Jesus and God and that third thing....i believe in the afterlife and hey i sometimes even listen to christian rock.... but i dislike the church... REALLY dislike the church, more than i dislike "Beat It".
See my problem with church is the control structure, the idea that we are meant to let other people tell us what to believe, we have to sit there while they spout their two cents about how they think that gay people should burn in hell or whatever... i cant stand it. My faith is my own, it is mine to interpret how i see fit, who are these people to tell me what to beleive. They are nice people but the whole system to me is a little medievil.
Even more so i hate religious camps... these are the bane of my existance, and i should know i led at a whole bunch of them. This is the purest form of brainwashing... take some little kids, play games, make them think its "fun" then you sit them down and tell them about your beliefs, and then to really work it in you get them to sing repetitive songs with simple messages...
Their minds are young and maleable, perfect for moulding.

As i look back i feel i need to make an adjustment... by Religion i am mostly talking Christianity and Catholisism.... and well any religion that involves Evangelism... these people need to take a long hard look at themselves... Faith is a persons choice... let them make it. There is not a single person in cicilised society that doesnt know about you so stop trying to trick them into joining you, you are no better than cults.

3. Stop selling me "Organic" you stupid Hippy:

I am anti organic... organic being the stupid food terminology not the actual definition of anything carbon based....
Ohh... organic orange... looks disgusting... but its organic and its double the price. Sold.
People are getting stupider and stupider and this is just proof. I even saw "organic water" the other day... this just coonfused me on many levels.
The fact is that by the time fruit reaches you it has been through so much washing and preperation that most of the pesticides have dissappeared... and how many people do you know have died from pesticide poisoning?

All i have to say on this topic is...

Fuck off Hippies...

phew.... i am shaking with anger.... i cant even be fucked checking spelling...

Next one will be happier.
Lemme know your views on these issues... lets get a bit of audience participation here...

Chapter 4: “Dad Another McDonald’s!”… “Son I don’t give a Shit!”

2009-10-19T19:27:00.000-07:00

I remember a while back having a discussion with a good friend about Road trips… we were about to partake in one and talking about it seemed to increase the excitement so we kept talking… eventually the question arose…
“What is the key moment/element that makes a Road Trip so Good?”

A Road trip to me consists of 2 or more people taking a journey of 2 hrs+ driving. For instance a trip with 3 ppl traveling from Sydney to Terrigal is just as much a road trip as the same amount of people traveling from Sydney to Queensland. One person driving around Australia in my mind does not make a Road trip, just a really long drive…
When deciding to take a road trip a few things need to be considered…

Vehicle: Make and quality are important… remember you are going to be in this metal box for some time so you want it to be comfortable. This does not mean the car has to be flash, it just needs to be roomy. Of course oil needs to be checked, fuel filled etc… but always consider comfort… it will make things a lot more enjoyable for not only your guests but for you too.

Music: Very Important… I cannot stress this enough… Pick Good Music! Conversation can only go so far and eventually people are going to want to hear some tunes. Music is all about emotion, you want to pick tracks that will create the right mood. Make mix CD’s that fit different moods and label them accordingly or if you have an ipod make sure you are not jumping around. If you want a chilled road trip play some Bon Iver, or some Jack Johnson… if you want excitement and revving up then play some Living End or some Prodigy… Make sure your music is to everyone’s taste… if people don’t like your track then skip or compromise with the next song.
Songs that people can sing along to are also highly recommended.

It is best to pick someone who has broader tastes in music to pick the tracks…. And most of all the “I’m the driver I pick the music” rule is crap… all passengers need to be happy or expect a social mutiny.

Companions: Pick your passengers if you can… Especially if the trip is going to be 3 or more hours. If you are a loud person then take loud people, if you want intelligent conversation then invite the more intelligence inclined.
This should usually come naturally as people of similar personalities tend to be friends but make sure than you work out seating arrangements as one odd one out can really lower the mood of a trip and make it seem like an eternity.

Food: Do a snack shop before you leave or at the first pit stop… do this as a group and make sure there is drink too. This is no time to care about your upholstery.
You need sugar, you need caffeine and you need them earlier than later. That’s all I need to say about that.

The truth is that Road Trips can be some of the best moments of a trip, everything is fresh, there are so many possibilities ahead of you and anything could happen which is why when I was asked what the Key moment of a Road Trip is I answered:

Just as you pack the car, reverse out of the drive and take off down the street as that first song starts to play and the jelly snakes open… that’s the moment, that’s the best part of the trip because at that point nothing is impossible…

Happy Road Tripping…

Chapter 3 : Fruit on a Pizza a Pizza is not.

2009-10-11T21:45:00.000-07:00

I love lychees..

Those who know me well will be shaking their heads as they read this... because when i love something i let people know.

I have loved lychees for ages. Mum used to bring home bags of them from the shops, they would be devoured by the first 10 minutes of being placed in the Fruit bowl.
Dad used to come in and spot the bag, his eyes would light up... maybe this time there would be some left. There never was...
No lychee was left uneaten, even the small sour rejects were taken, they were lychees and i showed no prejudice.

This love affair ended when i was about 19. For some reason mum stopped buying and soon Lychees and i grew distant. I found other loves, Watermelon, Grapefruit, Mango...

It wasnt until earlier this year, as i took a trip to the Asian Supermarket that lychees and i reunited, things had changed, i was older and wiser, and it was...well... canned. But in the change i found new things to love... the fact that i didn't have to peel, the heavenly syrup to drink at the end... the convinence. I was on love again, and it was stronger than ever.

Suddenly i began seeing lychee everywhere, lychee ice tea, lychee Liquor, lychee flavored Easyway with lychee jelly topping, lychee lollies, Lychee Ice Crean... and today... Smart Water... tropical lychee flavour.
Lychee is everywhere to be seen... and i couldnt be happier... well thats what i should be saying. The problem is that lychee is giving me too much love.
I am beggining to have a lychee problem.

Too much of a good thing is not good at all... i am beggining to feel the symptoms of getting sick of lychees. This is a major concern for me, i dont want to be sick of lychees, i dont want this relationship to end...
I have started seeing other fruits on the side.
I have stopped buying Canned Lychees.

I will still keep up appearances, ordering the lychee milk tea with lychee jelly... but every now and then i'll get peach....

I have not had a fresh lychee in over a year...

I know that one day me and lychees will be like we used to be... but right now we need to be apart...
Sometimes space is what is needed in a relationship, sometimes you need to let the other be in control of their own lives... so that you can come together again and it will be magicall..

Bet you didnt expect a relationship lesson at the end of that one huh?

“Damn those Russians and their so-called "lychees". I don't remember the last time Darth Vader ate a lychee. Because he doesn't have teeth.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Lychees

"They damaged my respirator."

~ Darth Vader on Lychees

taken from Uncyclopedia.

Chapter 2: Sauce - Only an accompaniment.

2009-09-28T21:05:00.000-07:00

WELCOME: A study on the life of a Doormat.

Doormat:
1. A mat placed before a doorway, for wiping dirt from shoes.
2. One who submits meekly to domination or mistreatment by others.

Everyone is friends with a doormat..
They are at all social events, they are always on time and they are usually the last to leave. They will always be there for you, when you need a favor, when you need someone to talk to, when you need them to do the talking for you. All they ask in return is to be needed. Easy.

Doormats very rarely know they are doormats. If they are told this by someone they usually brush it off, no-one ever believes they are a doormat. If they begin to realise what they are this is usually dissolved from their mind by their need to do more Doormat things and is soon forgotten. Doormat-ism is an addiction, An addiction to being liked.

Social Addiction is stronger than any of the drug addictions, you worry about any signs of dislike from others, if someone is even pretending to be mad you worry, "what did i do?" This fear leads to anger, anger leads to desperation and soon enough you are doing everything in your power to make up for whatever it is that went wrong.
You spend a lot of money, attending every event to ensure maximum social exposure, buying drinks, transport, entry fees... sometimes one night can have 3 different events... you make sure to attend all three.

A Night with nothing on is a nightmare. Frustration builds up quickly... nothing seems to be able to fill the void... video games, books, music... nothing is worth doing. You go to bed early to make the time pass.
A dud night out is just as bad. Time is important... weekends are Gold.

Sometimes you feel like you want to be alone... these are the times when you go out with others but hang in the background,, no talking, no opinion... pretending to be alone. This is often mistaken for depression.

Doormats are great to talk to when you are feeling down, they do honestly want to help you out and be there for you. But little do you know what sacrifices they are making; missing work, sleep... they are addicted to your need for them.

What causes Social addiction?
Basically a lack of closeness. People who are social addicts are usually single. They need people to be close to, they need to feel loved. This is the cause of their addiction because as close as they are friends with you they usually are nothing more and so the closeness they want can never be achieved. Like a carrot on a string they are led along indefinitely.

The only cure to Social addiction is self awareness. The Addict needs to be able to help themselves through this. They need to Admit they have a problem.

Welcome Social Addicts Anonymous.... I'm Will and I'm a Doormat.

(Note: I am in no way as extreeme as most of the stuff in here, however i do know people who are and at some point have been very close.)

Chapter 1: Everyone else's dish always looks better than yours...

2009-09-22T22:01:00.000-07:00

The bar is almost empty, it is mid afternoon on a weekday and the only reason I am here is because I have ages to kill before meeting a friend.
I order a drink and sit at the bar, pull out a magazine I bought especially so that I had somewhere to point my eyes and turn on my Ipod.
This way I don’t look like a loner…

I still look like a Loner.

A woman walks up to the bar, tall , slim, attractive. Lazily drawing circles on the bar, glancing over in my direction from the corner of her eye.
I look up, she is saying something to me.
“Sorry?” I say pulling out my headphones.
“I asked what you were drinking?” she repeated.
I look down at my drink as if to remind myself what I am drinking.
“Southern Comfort and dry”
She smiles at me for a short while before turning to the bartender.
“I’ll have one of those” she says with a hint of a double meaning.
I take another sip.

Silence, the bartender walks away to make the drink as she leans on the bar tilted towards me staring at me, eyes in contact.
I glance back down at my magazine, then up again. Her drink has arrived, she pays.
“Cheers” she says lifting the glass to me. I smile. More silence. Awkward Silence. Staring.

I put my headphones back on and look back at my magazine. She walks away…

I never even noticed that she was interested in me.

Ok… this didn’t happen, but the message of the story is true…

I suck at picking up signals.

Many a time I have been out to town with the goal that I will find someone, I sit at a table with friends pretending to be interested, but really I am scouting… looking for any sign of interest at all. I find nothing.
It’s not until i leave the bar that a friend will turn to me and say. “ That chick was checking you out!”
I put it down to them lying… I didn’t see anything.

At one point my gross ignorance to any sign of interest apparently came across as rudeness as a retail clerk flirted with me, waves of interest washing over me, and all I could do was nod and pay. I had no idea.

The way I see it, I could have one of two issues:

Self defense: Rejection is scary, it is always present and usually easy to get over, but that’s not how the mind plays it out.

“Hi” you say to the hot young thing at the table across the room.
They reply in turn… good start.
“Do you wanna go out sometime?” You ask… the BIG question.
“No”… a pause. “Get away from me you Scumbag!” She throws her glass in your face. Laughter erupts around the pub, pointing and yelling as blood runs down your face. Three cops enter.
“Arrest that douchebag! He thinks he can go out with me!” The girl laughs. You are tackled to the ground as the laughter erupts even louder… Jail and a Death Sentence.

This of course is a worst case scenario.

Self Esteem: The Depressing one, the question you ask as you look around.
“Who’d wanna go out with me?” This is a question you soon answer yourself…
No-one.
This is the more common one, it gives you an excuse to not try, it makes you play out the rest of the night and go home, alone, depressed and ready to fail again.

Excuses are a big thing, your mind tries to assure you that you don’t need to find someone. It’s safer that way, besides its all the girls fault, they are just being to subtle… its not you it’s them. Just wait and someone will come to you.
This never happens.

The mother of all kicks to the face is the falling for a Friend scenario. This is where Self Defense really shines…

“What would happen if you failed asking out a friend?” It asks…
“Surely the friendship would be awkward… over even.

To get up enough courage to ask out a friend takes a lot more obvious signal. In my case a swift kick to the face and a detailed note.

So you hold back, and as you see them every single day you look for signals, any signals… you try to give some back, you act like a gentleman, help them out, do them favors. You try to get the message to them, tell their friends so that info will get back to them second hand without you having to take a risk… you can always deny if it goes bad….

Unfortunately by that time you are already in the friend zone. I am president of the Friend zone.

*please note… I don’t want advice. I know some of you are dying to place a comment telling me that “what you need to do is" i don't wanna hear it. I know my issues and i don't want to make this an advice from the better people than Will society.
This is just a blog, a way to vent. If I want your advice I’ll ask for it. Thanks.

“She is a cannibal and she likes me, Kind of Ironic Since I don’t eat meat” – Children Collide

Foreward: Don't Fill Up on Bread!

2009-09-14T20:18:00.000-07:00

This is not a Blog About Food...

If you were expecting a Gastronomes tour through the world of Carnivorous delight then i am afraid you have come to the wrong place for one simple reason... Food is my Nemesis.

I am about to start the long and treacherous journey of getting healthy. Salads and Exercise ahoy, one of the side effect of this is that as you try to eat less you think about eating more, in fact you think about food in general... and you begin to question where you stand...

You see our relationship with food didn't start out on bad terms.. we had an agreement, we would continue to eat and it would promise to keep us alive. Obviously we didn't read the fine print...
Food is seen a trustworthy friend, its known worldwide, its celebrated on festivals, its eaten on holidays, sometimes it is even revered on a higher plain than the God or Hero that the holiday is intended for. We dress up to go and eat, presenting food in artistic flair on thrones of pure ceramic and white. We strive and spend to make sure food is constantly taken to a higher level of perfection and while we may hear from the naysayers about the pain and hardship that it is causing we don't listen, its tastes good, how can it be bad for you?

But as our clothes size increases and our muscles begin to work harder to carry us around we can't help but think... are the naysayers right? Is food really working against us?
We ask food to explain.:
"Me? Bad?" its asks, hands raised in mock confusion subtly wafting its heavenly aroma our way sending us into a pure state of bliss.
Of course food couldn't be bad, there must be some other reason.. we take a bite and go on our way.

Soon enough we struggle to get up, pains occur in places they shouldn't and suddenly the opposite sex is not finding us attractive any more. Food is lying to us...
We try and stick to healthy foods, big red ticks assuring us that they are OK, but something is missing, its just not right... it's just no fun.

Out wallets also become a bit lighter, this healthy option seems to cost more...

We sink into a depression, we are overweight, ugly, pimples form from all the chocolate, our skin becomes oily from the steaks... Food is an Evil bitch and we know it...
There's only one way we can solve this... we grab a tub of ice cream and watch an ad for the new ultra flame grilled triple whopper with bacon and a whole pig burger as hot skinny people with very little clothes and rock hard abs sit on a beach. We take a large spoonful of Double Choc Rocky Road and think to ourselves... "Why has it come to this?" as we tip the tub upwards catching the melted drips of chocolate. We already know the answer....

Blame society.

I guess this was about food after all.... sorry about that.

"Smile, like you've got nothing to prove, no matter what you might do there's always someone out there cooler than you." - Ben Folds