Chapter 5: Feeding the Masses a big dollop of Controversy!

Ok... just need to get a few things off my chest, you may not agree with me... but thats not the point, i just want us all to be on the same level here...


Wills Controversial Gripes:

1. I Dont think Michael Jackson is All That:
Ok... now i am not saying this now because he has passed and i want to be edgy or anything, i have always thought this, nor am i saying i dislike him. I do respect what he did for pop music and charities etc. I dont neccicarily think he is a bad person either, a wierd one yes but not bad.
I just dont enjoy listening to him... in fact i would go so far as to say i get bored with him...easily.

If there is one thing i can't stand it is Death Bandwagoners, you know, the people who suddenly becomes the biggest fans of an artist as soon as they die and become newsworthy. These people sicken me, and i have never seen such a large demonstration of it as i did on the Die MJ died. Suddenly people were talking about him as if he were some sort of saint... how he changed their lives. I bet you that if you were to ask them if they liked MJ a few weeks before, they would have said something along the lines of "yeah i guess" at best.
It goes along the same lines with people who are now coming out badmouthing him for similar reasons and i hate these people equally, but there seems to be more of the former.

I am saddened by the loss of Michael Jackson and my sympathys go to his friends and family and to the people who truely loved him... but i am not saddened by the death of his music... i am not going to like it any more than i did before.


2. The Church Pisses me off
I guess i am Christian... i beleive in Jesus and God and that third thing....i believe in the afterlife and hey i sometimes even listen to christian rock.... but i dislike the church... REALLY dislike the church, more than i dislike "Beat It".
See my problem with church is the control structure, the idea that we are meant to let other people tell us what to believe, we have to sit there while they spout their two cents about how they think that gay people should burn in hell or whatever... i cant stand it. My faith is my own, it is mine to interpret how i see fit, who are these people to tell me what to beleive. They are nice people but the whole system to me is a little medievil.
Even more so i hate religious camps... these are the bane of my existance, and i should know i led at a whole bunch of them. This is the purest form of brainwashing... take some little kids, play games, make them think its "fun" then you sit them down and tell them about your beliefs, and then to really work it in you get them to sing repetitive songs with simple messages...
Their minds are young and maleable, perfect for moulding.

As i look back i feel i need to make an adjustment... by Religion i am mostly talking Christianity and Catholisism.... and well any religion that involves Evangelism... these people need to take a long hard look at themselves...  Faith is a persons choice... let them make it. There is not a single person in cicilised society that doesnt know about you so stop trying to trick them into joining you, you are no better than cults.


3. Stop selling me "Organic" you stupid Hippy:

I am anti organic... organic being the stupid food terminology not the actual definition of anything carbon based....
Ohh... organic orange... looks disgusting... but its organic and its double the price. Sold.
People are getting stupider and stupider and this is just proof. I even saw "organic water" the other day... this just coonfused me on many levels.
The fact is that by the time fruit reaches you it has been through so much washing and preperation that most of the pesticides have dissappeared... and how many people do you know have died from pesticide poisoning?

All i have to say on this topic is...

Fuck off Hippies...


phew.... i am shaking with anger.... i cant even be fucked checking spelling...


Next one will be happier.
Lemme know your views on these issues... lets get a bit of audience participation here...

Chapter 4: “Dad Another McDonald’s!”… “Son I don’t give a Shit!”

I remember a while back having a discussion with a good friend about Road trips… we were about to partake in one and talking about it seemed to increase the excitement so we kept talking… eventually the question arose…
“What is the key moment/element that makes a Road Trip so Good?”

A Road trip to me consists of 2 or more people taking a journey of 2 hrs+ driving. For instance a trip with 3 ppl traveling from Sydney to Terrigal is just as much a road trip as the same amount of people traveling from Sydney to Queensland. One person driving around Australia in my mind does not make a Road trip, just a really long drive…
When deciding to take a road trip a few things need to be considered…


Vehicle:  Make and quality are important… remember you are going to be in this metal box for some time so you want it to be comfortable. This does not mean the car has to be flash, it just needs to be roomy. Of course oil needs to be checked, fuel filled etc… but always consider comfort… it will make things a lot more enjoyable for not only your guests but for you too.

Music: Very Important… I cannot stress this enough… Pick Good Music! Conversation can only go so far and eventually people are going to want to hear some tunes. Music is all about emotion, you want to pick tracks that will create the right mood. Make mix CD’s that fit different moods and label them accordingly or if you have an ipod make sure you are not jumping around. If you want a chilled road trip play some Bon Iver, or some Jack Johnson… if you want excitement and revving up then play some Living End or some Prodigy… Make sure your music is to everyone’s taste… if people don’t like your track then skip or compromise with the next song.
Songs that people can sing along to are also highly recommended.

It is best to pick someone who has broader tastes in music to pick the tracks…. And most of all the “I’m the driver I pick the music” rule is crap… all passengers need to be happy or expect a social mutiny.


Companions: Pick your passengers if you can… Especially if the trip is going to be 3 or more hours. If you are a loud person then take loud people, if you want intelligent conversation then invite the more intelligence inclined.
This should usually come naturally as people of similar personalities tend to be friends but make sure than you work out seating arrangements as one odd one out can really lower the mood of a trip and make it seem like an eternity.


Food: Do a snack shop before you leave or at the first pit stop… do this as a group and make sure there is drink too. This is no time to care about your upholstery.
You need sugar, you need caffeine and you need them earlier than later. That’s all I need to say about that.


The truth is that Road Trips can be some of the best moments of a trip, everything is fresh, there are so many possibilities ahead of you and anything could happen which is why when I was asked what the Key moment of a Road Trip is I answered:

Just as you pack the car, reverse out of the drive and take off down the street as that first song starts to play and the jelly snakes open… that’s the moment, that’s the best part of the trip because at that point nothing is impossible…

Happy Road Tripping…

   

Chapter 3 : Fruit on a Pizza a Pizza is not.

I love lychees..

Those who know me well will be shaking their heads as they read this... because when i love something i let people know.


I have loved lychees for ages. Mum used to bring home bags of them from the shops, they would be devoured by the first 10 minutes of being placed in the Fruit bowl.
Dad used to come in and spot the bag, his eyes would light up... maybe this time there would be some left. There never was...
No lychee was left uneaten, even the small sour rejects were taken, they were lychees and i showed no prejudice.

This love affair ended when i was about 19. For some reason mum stopped buying and soon Lychees and i grew distant. I found other loves, Watermelon, Grapefruit, Mango...

It wasnt until earlier this year, as i took a trip to the Asian Supermarket that lychees and i reunited, things had changed, i was older and wiser, and it was...well... canned. But in the change i found new things to love... the fact that i didn't have to peel, the heavenly syrup to drink at the end... the convinence. I was on love again, and it was stronger than ever.

Suddenly i began seeing lychee everywhere, lychee ice tea, lychee Liquor, lychee flavored Easyway with lychee jelly topping, lychee lollies, Lychee Ice Crean... and today... Smart Water... tropical lychee flavour.
Lychee is everywhere to be seen... and i couldnt be happier... well thats what i should be saying. The problem is that lychee is giving me too much love.
I am beggining to have a lychee problem.

Too much of a good thing is not good at all... i am beggining to feel the symptoms of getting sick of lychees. This is a major concern for me, i dont want to be sick of lychees, i dont want this relationship to end...
I have started seeing other fruits on the side.
I have stopped buying Canned Lychees.

I will still keep up appearances, ordering the lychee milk tea with lychee jelly... but every now and then i'll get peach....

I have not had a fresh lychee in over a year...

I know that one day me and lychees will be like we used to be... but right now we need to be apart...
Sometimes space is what is needed in a relationship, sometimes you need to let the other be in control of their own lives... so that you can come together again and it will be magicall..

Bet you didnt expect a relationship lesson at the end of that one huh?



“Damn those Russians and their so-called "lychees". I don't remember the last time Darth Vader ate a lychee. Because he doesn't have teeth.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Lychees

"They damaged my respirator."

~ Darth Vader on Lychees

 taken from Uncyclopedia.

Chapter 2: Sauce - Only an accompaniment.

WELCOME: A study on the life of a Doormat.

Doormat:
1. A mat placed before a doorway, for wiping dirt from shoes.
2. One who submits meekly to domination or mistreatment by others.

Everyone is friends with a doormat..
They are at all social events, they are always on time and they are usually the last to leave. They will always be there for you, when you need a favor, when you need someone to talk to, when you need them to do the talking for you. All they ask in return is to be needed. Easy.

Doormats very rarely know they are doormats. If they are told this by someone they usually brush it off,    no-one ever believes they are a doormat. If they begin to realise what they are this is usually dissolved from their mind by their need to do more Doormat things and is soon forgotten. Doormat-ism is an addiction, An addiction to being liked.

Social Addiction is stronger than any of the drug addictions, you worry about any signs of dislike from others, if someone is even pretending to be mad you worry, "what did i do?" This fear leads to anger, anger leads to desperation and soon enough you are doing everything in your power to make up for whatever it is that went wrong.
You spend a lot of money, attending every event to ensure maximum social exposure, buying drinks, transport, entry fees... sometimes one night can have 3 different events... you make sure to attend all three.

A Night with nothing on is a nightmare. Frustration builds up quickly... nothing seems to be able to fill the void... video games, books, music... nothing is worth doing. You go to bed early to make the time pass.
A dud night out is just as bad. Time is important... weekends are Gold.

Sometimes you feel like you want to be alone... these are the times when you go out with others but hang in the background,, no talking, no opinion... pretending to be alone. This is often mistaken for depression.

Doormats are great to talk to when you are feeling down, they do honestly want to help you out and be there for you. But little do you know what sacrifices they are making; missing work, sleep... they are addicted to your need for them.

What causes Social addiction?
Basically a lack of closeness. People who are social addicts are usually single. They need people to be close to, they need to feel loved. This is the cause of their addiction because as close as they are friends with you they usually are nothing more and so the closeness they want can never be achieved. Like a carrot on a string they are led along indefinitely.

The only cure to Social addiction is self awareness. The Addict needs to be able to help themselves through this. They need to Admit they have a problem.

Welcome Social Addicts Anonymous.... I'm Will and I'm a Doormat.

(Note: I am in no way as extreeme as most of the stuff in here, however i do know people who are and at some point have been very close.)

Chapter 1: Everyone else's dish always looks better than yours...

The bar is almost empty, it is mid afternoon on a weekday and the only reason I am here is because I have ages to kill before meeting a friend.
I order a drink and sit at the bar, pull out a magazine I bought especially so that I had somewhere to point my eyes and turn on my Ipod.
This way I don’t look like a loner…

I still look like a Loner.

A woman walks up to the bar, tall , slim, attractive. Lazily drawing circles on the bar, glancing over in my direction from the corner of her eye.
I look up, she is saying something to me.
“Sorry?” I say pulling out my headphones.
“I asked what you were drinking?” she repeated.
I look down at my drink as if to remind myself what I am drinking.
“Southern Comfort and dry”
She smiles at me for a short while before turning to the bartender.
“I’ll have one of those” she says with a hint of a double meaning.
I take another sip.

Silence, the bartender walks away to make the drink as she leans on the bar tilted towards me staring at me, eyes in contact.
I glance back down at my magazine, then up again. Her drink has arrived, she pays.
“Cheers” she says lifting the glass to me. I smile. More silence. Awkward Silence. Staring.

I put my headphones back on and look back at my magazine. She walks away…

I never even noticed that she was interested in me.

Ok… this didn’t happen, but the message of the story is true…

I suck at picking up signals.

Many a time I have been out to town with the goal that I will find someone, I sit at a table with friends pretending to be interested, but really I am scouting… looking for any sign of interest at all. I find nothing.
It’s not until i leave the bar that a friend will turn to me and say. “ That chick was checking you out!”
I put it down to them lying… I didn’t see anything.

At one point my gross ignorance to any sign of interest apparently came across as rudeness as a retail clerk flirted with me, waves of interest washing over me, and all I could do was nod and pay. I had no idea.

The way I see it, I could have one of two issues:

Self defense: Rejection is scary, it is always present and usually easy to get over, but that’s not how the mind plays it out.

“Hi” you say to the hot young thing at the table across the room.
They reply in turn… good start.
“Do you wanna go out sometime?” You ask… the BIG question.
“No”… a pause. “Get away from me you Scumbag!” She throws her glass in your face. Laughter erupts around the pub, pointing and yelling as blood runs down your face. Three cops enter.
“Arrest that douchebag! He thinks he can go out with me!” The girl laughs. You are tackled to the ground as the laughter erupts even louder… Jail and a Death Sentence.

This of course is a worst case scenario.

Self Esteem: The Depressing one, the question you ask as you look around.
“Who’d wanna go out with me?” This is a question you soon answer yourself…
No-one.
This is the more common one, it gives you an excuse to not try, it makes you play out the rest of the night and go home, alone, depressed and ready to fail again.

Excuses are a big thing, your mind tries to assure you that you don’t need to find someone. It’s safer that way, besides its all the girls fault, they are just being to subtle… its not you it’s them. Just wait and someone will come to you.
This never happens.


The mother of all kicks to the face is the falling for a Friend scenario. This is where Self Defense really shines…

“What would happen if you failed asking out a friend?” It asks…
“Surely the friendship would be awkward… over even.

To get up enough courage to ask out a friend takes a lot more obvious signal. In my case a swift kick to the face and a detailed note.

So you hold back, and as you see them every single day you look for signals, any signals… you try to give some back, you act like a gentleman, help them out, do them favors. You try to get the message to them, tell their friends so that info will get back to them second hand without you having to take a risk… you can always deny if it goes bad….

Unfortunately by that time you are already in the friend zone. I am president of the Friend zone.


*please note… I don’t want advice. I know some of you are dying to place a comment telling me that “what you need to do is" i don't wanna hear it. I know my issues and i don't want to make this an advice from the better people than Will society.
This is just a blog, a way to vent. If I want your advice I’ll ask for it. Thanks.


“She is a cannibal and she likes me, Kind of Ironic Since I don’t eat meat” – Children Collide

Foreward: Don't Fill Up on Bread!

This is not a Blog About Food...

If you were expecting a Gastronomes tour through the world of Carnivorous delight then i am afraid you have come to the wrong place for one simple reason... Food is my Nemesis.

I am about to start the long and treacherous journey of getting healthy. Salads and Exercise ahoy, one of the side effect of this is that as you try to eat less you think about eating more, in fact you think about food in general... and you begin to question where you stand...

You see our relationship with food didn't start out on bad terms.. we had an agreement, we would continue to eat and it would promise to keep us alive. Obviously we didn't read the fine print...
Food is seen a trustworthy friend, its known worldwide, its celebrated on festivals, its eaten on holidays, sometimes it is even revered on a higher plain than the God or Hero that the holiday is intended for. We dress up to go and eat, presenting food in artistic flair on thrones of pure ceramic and white. We strive and spend to make sure food is constantly taken to a higher level of perfection and while we may hear from the naysayers about the pain and hardship that it is causing we don't listen, its tastes good, how can it be bad for you?

But as our clothes size increases and our muscles begin to work harder to carry us around we can't help but think... are the naysayers right? Is food really working against us?
We ask food to explain.:
"Me? Bad?" its asks, hands raised in mock confusion subtly wafting its heavenly aroma our way sending us into a pure state of bliss.
Of course food couldn't be bad, there must be some other reason.. we take a bite and go on our way.

Soon enough we struggle to get up, pains occur in places they shouldn't and suddenly the opposite sex is not finding us attractive any more. Food is lying to us...
We try and stick to healthy foods, big red ticks assuring us that they are OK, but something is missing, its just not right... it's just no fun.

Out wallets also become a bit lighter, this healthy option seems to cost more...

We sink into a depression, we are overweight, ugly, pimples form from all the chocolate, our skin becomes oily from the steaks... Food is an Evil bitch and we know it...
There's only one way we can solve this... we grab a tub of ice cream and watch an ad for the new ultra flame grilled triple whopper with bacon and a whole pig burger as hot skinny people with very little clothes and rock hard abs sit on a beach. We take a large spoonful of Double Choc Rocky Road and think to ourselves... "Why has it come to this?" as we tip the tub upwards catching the melted drips of chocolate. We already know the answer....

Blame society.

I guess this was about food after all.... sorry about that.


"Smile, like you've got nothing to prove, no matter what you might do there's always someone out there cooler than you." - Ben Folds